Image courtesy of nuchylee / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Nope, today is how to get your crazy out to inspire yourself to sit your butt in the chair and get writing. Since I'm all about getting to the point, we'll jump right in.
1. Dress like one of your characters. Preferably the character whose point of view you'll be writing in. Start talking in their voice. It's better if the UPS man comes to your door and gives you a strange look. Bonus points if you thank him in gibberish or whatever language you've made up for your story.
2. Impromptu dance party. Shake the story right out of your head and onto the paper. Throw on one of those songs you're ashamed to admit you love, like "The Chicken Dance" or "C is for Cookie" (can't tell I'm a mom, can you?) and boogie until you collapse into your writing chair.
3. Tweet about it. Post it on Facebook. Share it on Instagram or whatever else you're into. Tell the world you're writing, then get to work. You don't want to be a liar, do you?
4. Do something stupid. Like take all your kids to Walmart and DON'T strap any of them into the shopping cart. Chasing your two-year-old down the canned goods aisle while he carries a GLASS jar of spaghetti sauce will do it. You'll be craving an escape from reality in no time! Just don't use any of those choice words you were muttering under your breath once you finally caught your child.
5. Make a list of people you don't like and plot ways to incorporate them into your story just so you can kill them off. Not that I've ever done that. No, never.
6. Allow yourself to get REALLY tired and write down everything you think is funny. The list you make will either be good for a laugh the next morning (because none of it will be funny at all) or it will inspire a new story. After a boatload of caffeine and a couple of ibuprofen to jumpstart your exhausted mind, of course.
7. Promise yourself you'll clean the bathroom after you're done writing. Not your bathroom. The bathroom all the boys in your house use. You know the one. The scary place where mysterious things grow and it perpetually smells like pee. (At least, you hope that's all it is.)
8. Lie to yourself. Tell yourself you'll write for just twenty minutes. That's all. Then, when you emerge two hours and fifteen hundred words later, apologize to yourself for being dishonest. Forgive and forget (so you can do it again later).
9. Hide in the closet with your laptop or notebook. That way, the kids can't find you. You'll feel so super sneaky and ninja-like, the creative juices will flow like Niagra Falls. Just don't think about Niagra Falls or you'll be running to the bathroom you have yet to clean before your covert writing session is through.
10. Write a sarcastic list of ways to motivate yourself and post it to your baby blog no one follows anyway. It doesn't matter if they're true or not. What matters is putting as much attitude into it as you can. That way, if someone does happen to read it, they'll at least get a good laugh. You hope.
I deny having done any of the above. I'm lying, of course, since I did at least half of them yesterday (kids are awesome that way). I'm saving the rest for later.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have more procrastinating, I mean, writing to do before finishing that aforementioned bathroom.
Good luck and get writing!
~ Lysandra James ~
It's time for the obligatory question to motivate people to comment (Keep it clean, folks; my kids read this thing.): What's the craziest thing you've done to motivate yourself to write?