August 22, 2014

Kimberly Gwynn: Dream Chaser

This month's Dream Chaser is a woman I love and admire greatly.  She amazes me.  Having had to struggle with the same burden, I know her pain and I love her all the more for it.  Her faith is inspiring and one day soon, she will achieve her dream.  She is one of the most deserving people I know.

Introducing Kimberly Gwynn - Dream Chaser. 

My Burden to Bear 

I see it lying there… laughing at me… tormenting me. 

It brings me fear yet it gives me hope. It symbolizes something big, yet it's apparatus is small. A simple answer is all it gives… "yes" or "no". A plus or negative… one dash or two. 

It is the constant reminder of my failure and yet the persistent reminder of my dream. The two feelings become intertwined like a rope streamed with doubt, fear, and anxiety yet threaded with hope, faith, and anticipation. 

Month after month, cycle after cycle, moments of antagonizing dread overwhelm me… "Why do we try? Is this pain really worth our dream?" 

Kimberly and Austin
As a woman struggling with infertility, the dreaded pregnancy test can be one of the most despised tools known to man. Having never tested positive on one, I am confident that I will never appreciate it's value. Instead it sits in my bathroom, unused, taunting me and waiting for yet another "hopeful" day of conception. 

This story is not mine alone but it is my burden to bear. I have had moments of doubt, pain, and suffering but focusing on them only makes my sorrow grow. 

Have you heard the saying "the pen is mightier than the sword"? Well, the pen may be the greatest weapon but it can also be a remedy. It is a healer of hearts and a saver of souls. For the last 8 months I have kept a blog. This blog contains my therapeutic writings. My experience, my stories, and some of my silly moments are written in the hopes of connecting with at least one person who is looking for a glimmer of light in their dark infertility tunnel. You can check it out here:  

These two don't like to have fun.  No, not at all.  :)
Initially my husband and I chased our parenthood dream the traditional way.  Unfortunately, no storks came delivering babies and no miraculous conceptions were had. It took about 5 years of consistently trying for us to finally feel like a door was being pushed in our faces. 

They say that when one door closes, another one opens… I guess you just have to step through it. Well, once we accepted that normal conception wasn't going to work for us, we decided to turn to adoption. I know that it can be a difficult decision for some, but luckily for us it wasn't. We have now been married for 8 years and will finally be on the state adoption registry any day now. 

 Our dream of becoming parents has not yet come to fruition but we continue forward with hope…. maybe you could even say that we have faith in God's plan for us, and we know that we will be able to see that dream come to pass. In some ways we have met our dream. We have loved and cared for countless children, whether they be nieces, nephews or our friend's children. In the end, we have chosen not to dwell on our failures, but rather to focus on the things we can control. When all is said and done, our "pregnancy test" may not have the typical "positive" or "negative" signs that a biological mother's would have, but I know our family will be just a special… I even picture it with an extra sprinkle of goodness, because we had to deal with our initial failure before we were able to reach our final dream. 
Kimberly doing the "aunt thing"
Austin practicing with their niece

 Update: we are officially registered to adopt! We've been contacted a couple of times with potentials but only for a single child, each time. We are hoping to start off with a sibling group. (Talk about making up for lost time!) Now we play the waiting game.

(Thank you Lysandra for inviting me to be a guest blogger. It was truly a great opportunity for me to write my story from this perspective. I love your "chasing dreams" concept and hope that all of your readers find a way to chase their own!)

No comments:

Post a Comment

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.