July 22, 2016

How to Forget to Post to Your Weekly Blog - A Step-By-Step Guide


Greetings, fellow bloggers, readers of blogs, geeks, nerds, non-geeky people, people who stumbled upon this page on accident, and the people who only read to show their support!

Today I'll walk you through the process of completely forgetting to post to your weekly blog that you've been posting to regularly for well over a year. It's a fascinating journey through procrastination, distraction, and over-(or under-)caffeination.

Let's begin, shall we?

Step One:

Don't set alerts on your phone or computer, write it down on your calendar, or leave yourself sticky notes. Or if you DO set up alerts, be sure to delete them out of your email inbox without reading them because you've "got this covered and don't need a reminder about what's going on". Besides, juggling every little thing on your To-Do List in your head without any visual reminders is what all the cool kids are doing these days.

Step Two:

Completely space what day of the week it is. After all, it IS summer vacation and kids are home from school. As long as the garbage makes it out to the street every once in a while (on time, even!) and the kids are dressed (in the same clothes they've worn for three days straight) and no one goes hungry (because there's a disturbing amount of take-out boxes in the fridge), you're good, right?

Step Three:

Over-commit yourself to a project you've been putting off for weeks because you figured you had plenty of time and then suddenly you realize you've got an appointment with the surgeon on Tuesday and you need to make sure all the back-to-school stuff is done beforehand just in case your much-needed procedure is scheduled during all the back-to-school activities that require all the stuff you need to put together.

Not that I did that this week. Nope. Not me.

Step Four:

Treat yourself to your own creation at the local soda shoppe to make yourself feel better after a grueling physical therapy appointment the morning your blog post is due to be posted. (I call it Doc Horchata, Diet Dr. Pepper, brown sugar cinnamon syrup, coconut syrup, and cream - tastes just like horchata but better because it's caffeinated!). Buy the big one early in the morning so you can ride the high, then crash hard about mid-afternoon. 

Step Five:

When you overdo it (because it WILL happen - that's just the way it is), take the rest of the day as a recovery day without checking the calendar to make sure you don't have anything pressing happening. Ignore all emails, respond only to the most pressing texts and messages, and spend the day binge-reading while making your kids fend for themselves for meals. After all, if you don't take care of yourself (and your ever-increasing reading list), who will?

Step Six:

Continue binge-reading until way past your bedtime, buying the second book in the series via Kindle when you finish the first that you probably shouldn't have gotten in the first place, but you're now committed to the story and the characters and bookmarks are "Quitter Strips".

(I can stop at any time. Promise! Just don't talk to my husband. For some reason, he doesn't believe me.)

Congratulations!

You have successfully forgotten to post your weekly blog on time. Pat yourself on the back, dive into your dwindling chocolate stash, and rock those yoga pants that you wear more than you care to admit. (Didn't you wear those yesterday? AND the day before?)

And for heaven's sakes, DON'T do anything to make sure it doesn't happen again. After all, you've got this, right?

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